• Jin T

Figuring out Friends Pt2: Black 2 Business

Updated: Sep 7, 2021

What's up Bald heads?


Did you enjoy your long weekend? As I wind down and get ready for school in the morning I just wanted to start the month off with our off-the-mat yoga lesson.


If you are new here WELCOME, I'm Jin, in this blog my focus is always on self-care as it pertains to your whole being. That's mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I share things that have worked for me, things that I've heard worked for others and things I've learned or studied as a way to help those who may want or need it.


*This blog usually contains some affiliate links available for you to use at no cost to you. I do receive a small commission when the links are used and funding goes to support this content. So if you like this blog/ newsletter and you want to see more of it use the links and let me know what you want to see more of.*


I want to first start by saying thank you to all of the people who have been following this blog since the beginning of time. If you have been a pillar of the community you know this blog started off really rocky.


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It was messy, it was ugly, it was raw, unedited, and full of color purple moments.


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Yea girl was *Big Inhale* learning yogic principles, counseling theory, ethical practices, healing from traumatic life events that were taking place in real-time instead of ignoring them like I would have in the past, trying to put everything I was learning into practice, and run a black ass business. While I did have counsel my therapist was a white man who knows that he knew nothing about being a black woman standing in the longest line of the Panera bread (a pandemic) while my people were being killed what seemed to be daily and we still to this day don't have justice for more than half of them... needless to say, he was not very much help. I had to try to be strong for myself and be my own therapist until I could find proper support *Full Exhale*.


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While defending my healing process I was super defense about anything I held dear to me. I was in a rough spot and while I tried to get out I kept getting pulled down by the crabs in the barrel.


During this time I accidentally joined a cult. Yes, I said what I said... I accidentally joined a cult. I became a member of this accountability culture. In this space, people ask you to hold them accountable for things they should be holding themselves accountable for. Looking back I get why we needed each other however we showed very little compassion for people on their rough days. The days that just seemed unbearable to show up for anyone but yourself.


Old pillars this might sound familiar to you but just sit tight we have new members that don't know how far we've come.


There were days that I was very strong mentally, emotionally, and physically and there were days where sitting in the house actively ignoring phone calls, emails, facetime calls, notifications were the best thing for me. I'd been taking on tasks trying to help raggedy people become less raggedy with hopes that doing the work together would get us where we wanted to go. This is when it got ugly... the real raggedy people got better from my support but weren't willing to listen or offer that same support without monetary compensation. It's not their fault, I was not respectful of my own energy and I allowed myself to be used up without refilling myself.


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I know I know... I wasn't giving myself the same care I was giving the rags until one of my most raggedy friends told me "GIRL YOU NEED TO HELP YO SELF". I laughed but his little ugly self was right. I did need to help myself so I listened to him.


I talk more about checking out to take care of yourself in an earlier blog post full of comical theatrics and dramatic flare titled "That bitch M.I.A". Stop here and go read that post, here is the link

https://www.yougrowjin.us/post/that-bitch-m-i-a


Now that you are back can we say overactive heart chakra much? My friend Dawn taught me in her charka workshop that when you are healing your heart you might experience some over-activation or under activation. When your heart chakra is overactive you give and give and give until you have nothing left to give and you are laying somewhere looking for a charger because you let everyone else use yours now it has a short in it and you have to rig it on the side of the desk and sit your phone on it a special type of way or the electrical current won't travel through the cord right and you just looking stupid cause you don't have the mental energy or the executive functioning skills to just get up and go buy a new funky ass charger. Sound familiar to anyone?

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I talk more about that in a post titled "You Suffering or Naw?" here is the link.

https://www.yougrowjin.us/post/you-suffering-or-naw


Now that you are back can you see how trifling healing and growth gets? It's so damn ghetto (my favorite word for the past 3 years). During this time my heart was so overactive and I didn't realize how much I'd healed and grown because I was still in the process. I opened myself up so much ridicule and judgment I became so defensive it was painful to watch. I was knee-deep in my own fertilizer and I was unable to find a place to put it so that it would bring forth a beautiful harvest.


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That's when I got into the cult, what I found was that the cult was full of CREEPS! What is a creep? If you as asking you might just be one.





















You know what a creep is no need for me to explain. We've all been there and some of y'all still getting your creep on.






















This brings me to this week's lesson Aparigraha. Aparigraha is the fifth Yama that teaches us non-coveting. It teaches us to be happy and to live in contentment. Being content with what you have is a practice of gratitude and acceptance that helps you live in your authenticity.


During that time I was in close proximity to people who were not happy with what they had or where they were in life. They found happiness and comfort by tearing others down and while it was easier to play the victim and not be happy with what I had or where I was, I chose to be happy. I mean did go on some very embarrassing rants that were not my finest hours sure, who hasn't? I still found happiness with what I had no matter how raggedy others thought it to be and I was living through it the best way I could. I made some of the best memories during what I could have easily called the worst times of my life.


I had time and space to spend time working on my crafts. I took sewing lessons for free, I took community-based dance classes, I learned about some really dope artists that made me smile so big and laugh so hard that my cheeks hurt and I gained a 2pack of abs. I learned how to be a supporter both on and offline in more ways than monetarily. I had the space and opportunity to craft a book, blog, podcast, handcrafted wearable art, visual art, and the mental clarity to keep going even when I wanted zero parts of it.


When you are black in business no one talks about how mentally taxing it can get. You already have to deal with your black ass life then you have to figure out finance because you were never taught, write a business plan, a manifesto, budgets, figure out how to write grants, figure out how to find grants, try to get good help that won't mind working for scraps until your business is making enough money to not only pay itself back for the start-up but pay then for the help they provided. Not to mention the lack of support and the people consistently asking for a discount or a free item or service while you are struggling to keep your dreams alive and work a day-to-day job to pay your bills and support your business.


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Here are some things I learned.


1. Do some research for yourself. In the age of half-ass listening and skimming over content we often fall victim to playing the victim. Newsflash... WE are no longer casting for that role. Nobody is doing anything to your raggedy self but you. Get out of your own way and support yourself the way you want to be supported by others especially if that means no longer supporting the things that don't make you feel supported.


2. You have to know yourself. Only when you truly know yourself will you start living in your true authenticity. Living in my authenticity is the most beautiful thing I've ever done. I have been so honored to be placed in places that work with me because I am my full authentic self and they love all parts of it and I love being me.

3. Please stop asking Black businesses for discounts or something for free! It takes a lot out of our people to deal with life and try to provide a service to raggedy people who either don't realize they are raggedy or haven't accepted just how raggedy they are. Just pay the price. I can guarantee you that if you are coming to a person for a service they've spent countless hours and a ridiculous amount of money doing the thing so just pay them and let's move on. NOW if they wanna be nice and offer you a deal you don't have to refuse it just show gratitude and acknowledge that they thought highly enough of you to provide you with their thing that may have taken them hours at no cost to you. That my friend is LOVE because they didn't have to do it but they did it anyway. Show respect and stop tearing them down in your private circles. This only shows a poor reflection of who you are and what you really think about yourself.


4. I do not compare or compete and I do not allow anyone else to put me in competition with anyone who is seen as my competitor. I could never compete with anyone but myself because outside of me I see no competition. We were all placed on this ghetto-ass planet to help each other but I'm afraid we misunderstood the assignment. Let's do better.



Your "homie" work for the next two weeks is to

  1. Order your copy of The Bald Headed- Chronicles if you haven't done it already. Here is the link https://amzn.to/2YyhN9B. If you have ordered your copy would you be so kind as to leave a review on Amazon for me, please?

  2. Revisit your goals. How many have you smashed? What is no longer serving you? What has flourished? What feelings are holding you back from living authentically?

  3. Catch up on the latest episode of the bald-headed chronicles.

Here is the link for audio-only


https://open.spotify.com/episode/3Ai88wkF3UeZyYJUagspq2?si=mStHJqMRQjW9FsuqrGwz2Q&dl_branch=1


Here is the link for visual

https://youtu.be/HjDRIVmo6QM


Please share, like, comment, and subscribe for real.


Until next time we are all bald-headed under our hair so keep minding your bald-headed business.


Namaste.





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